it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
