Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
