The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
