i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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