I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
