I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
