Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
