Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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