You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
