Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
