This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
