i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
