I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this just has baby written all over it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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