as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
