So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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