remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
smell my finger.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
