I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
