Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
