I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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