Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
tell me about the eggs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
