He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was so not down for the gang bang
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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