if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Alive.
So much puke
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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