Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
