I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
