I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
