I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
