I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
