I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
