Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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