Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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