Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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