I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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