And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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