we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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