toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
