Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
