how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found the puke drawer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
