Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
