Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
