I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
