Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
