My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
