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Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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