Do vagina's smell?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
