i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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