i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
