it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
