I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
