Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
