I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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