Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
